Molly Mathews

My name is Molly. I have been married for 5 years and have two children. A 10 year old step-son, a 2 year old daughter and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with a boy! I live in the town I grew up in and have a large family that I see often. We all live close to each other right now and I hope it stays that way as we draw a lot of support from one another. I have been a nurse for 6 years, mostly in the emergency department, and I love my job. Since young childhood I dreamed of being a nurse and a mom and here I am both! I couldn't have imagined how difficult the journey would be but neither could I have fathomed the Joy that would come from both. Becoming a mom has made me into a better person in many ways and a bit of a crazy worry wart in other ways! Having support from other moms who have been there before or are there with you makes all the difference in the world!


First Ultrasound Jitters

I don’t know why, but I’m nervous about getting my first ultrasound. I’m excited, of course, but this little fear keeps pushing itself into the back of my head: what if there’s nothing there? What if there’s no heartbeat? I just can’t get those thoughts out of my head.

With Ben, I was scared of a miscarriage, as any woman is. When I heard the heartbeat, I felt immensely relieved. Then I started bleeding at 11 weeks and thought for sure it was all over. But at the hospital, I got my first ultrasound and saw him moving and kicking and being a very healthy little peanut in there. And it was at that point that I think I finally realized that this pregnancy was real, it was happening. It’s a little surreal to think that there’s a human growing inside of you sometimes.

I don’t know why I’m so nervous this time around. I’m 12 weeks now, and I’ve had no bleeding. I haven’t heard the heartbeat yet, but that’s normal. But I still keep feeling scared that I’m going to go there and get bad news. I wish I could understand why.

One reason, I think, is because this has been an extraordinarily easy first trimester. Oh, sure, I feel nauseous a few times a day, but it’s nowhere near as bad as when I was pregnant with Ben. I’m hungry a lot more often than I am nauseous though — it feels like I can’t get full (something that I seem to remember happening in the second trimester, not the first!). And of course, I’m exhausted, all the time. I take a nap every day, and if I don’t, then I’m practically ready for bed by 5:00. But other than the occasional nausea and the fatigue, I feel normal. I think that may be a big part of why I’m so nervous. I just don’t really feel pregnant.

And while this baby definitely wasn’t planned, and comes at the most inconvenient possible time, that doesn’t change how much I want it now, how much my husband wants it now. I already love this baby, just like I already loved Ben, and the thought of losing it scares me.

Hopefully, this is all just my overactive imagination running wild. Soon, I’ll get my ultrasound and will see a beautiful, healthy little baby in there. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyways.

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2 Comments on “First Ultrasound Jitters”

  • Desteny Christensen December 2nd, 2011 4:11 pm

    I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I think any first ultrasound I have with any child I’m pregnant with will scare me, as my first ultrasound with my first pregnancy showed there was no heartbeat.

    I wish you a happy, uneventful next few months, though!

  • Cassy Fiano Cassy Fiano December 5th, 2011 8:01 am

    Thanks!! It actually ended up going pretty well though. I don’t know why I was so nervous, but for whatever reason I was just really anxious about the appointment.

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